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Kansas Horse Council
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KHC Horse Humor PageSubmit your jokes, fun facts or horse humor pictures via e-mail to Humor submission
THE DONKEY AUCTION (Back to top) If the world was a logical place, men would ride side saddle.
submitted by Katie Mayne
I can save you money on gas! Alright folks, step right up! You don’t want to pay $4.69 for gas? No problem, I have the perfect vehicle for you! Needs no gas, no oil, or even a battery, just a little grass and water will do these animals fine. Now everyone has different needs, so choose from the following models: 1. Trail Horse - Your average run around town animal. Has the energy to get where you are going, the brain to find the best way to go, big enough to carry the normal sized American. 2. The Arabian- perfect for those who travel long distances in a day and try to multi task while driving. Although the Arabian may not go to your home or office with out specific instruction, it WILL go somewhere. 3. The Draft- Calling all soccer moms. This big guy can carry the whole team, their gear and snacks. Just like the big machines, this guy will require more fuel, and his shoes will be more expensive than the compact model. 4. The Western Pleasure- The right car for the high end white collar workers. This animal works harder and requires more special knowledge so only the best can figure this out. Be sure to take your cell phone. You wont be stuck in traffic, you just wont be getting anywhere fast. 5. The Parelli- Salesmen, stay at home moms, and high school kids will all enjoy this dream. You can load him down with flapping wal- mart bags, ask him to walk in places a horse wont fit, and you can dance with him as you listen to the latest tunes. 6. The Ranch - The most dependable animal available. He will go where ever you ask him to, at what ever speed is appropriate. You can tie him to the stop sign and he will be there when you get back. Best of all, this model has been specially engineered to be able to go without water for days and stay fat and slick by eating sagebrush and dead prarie grass. Of course all models are available in base colors (sorrel, bay, black) Special order colors are available (dun, grey, palomino) and for an additional fee, custom paint jobs are also available (overo, tobiaono, blanket, leopard). No horse is sold with a warranty, however maintenance plans are available in the event brakes, steering, or accelerator fail. The Cowboy Baptist Horse Dictionary [] Bog Spavin - The feeling of panic when riding through a muddy area. Also used to refer to horses who throw a fit at having to go through water puddles. [] Colt - What your mare always gives you when you want a filly. [] Contracted foot - The involuntary/instant reflex of curling one's toes up - right before a horse steps on your foot. [] Drench - Term used to describe the condition an owner is in after he administers electrolytes to his horse. [] Endurance ride - The end result when your horse spooks and runs away with you in the bush. [] Equitation - The ability to keep a smile on your face and proper posture while your horse tries to pigroot, shy and buck his way around the track. [] Feed - Expensive substance utilized in the manufacture of large quantities of manure [] Fences - Decorative perimeter structures built to give a horse something to chew on, scratch against and jump over (see inbreeding). [] Flies - The excuse of choice a horse uses so he can kick you, buck you off or knock you over - he cannot be punished. [] Founder - 1.) The discovery of your loose mare-some miles from your farm, usually in a flower bed or hayfield. Used like-"Hey, honey, I found'er." 2.)Founder: A condition that happens to most people after Christmas dinner [] Gallop- The customary gait a horse chooses when returning home [] Gates - Wooden or metal structures built to amuse horses. [] Grooming - The fine art of brushing the dirt from one's horse and applying it to your own body. [] Hay - A green itchy material that collects between layers of clothing, especially in unmentionable places. [] Head Tosser - A blonde-haired woman who wears fashion boots while working in the yards. [] Heaves - The act of unloading a truck full of hay. [] Hobbles - Describes the walking gait of a horse owner after his/her foot has been stepped on by his/her horse. [] Hoof Pick - Useful, curbed metal tool utilized to remove hardened dog doo from the treads of your endurance shoes. [] Inbreeding - The breeding results of broken/inadequate paddock fencing. [] Jumping - The characteristic movement that an equine makes when given a vaccine or has his hooves trimmed. [] Lameness - The condition of most riders after the first few rides each year; can be a chronic condition in old or weak riders. [] Lead Rope - A long apparatus instrumental in the administration of rope burns. Also used by excited horses to take a handler for a drag. [] Lungeing - A training method a horse uses on its owner with the purpose of making the owner spin in circles-rendering the owner dizzy and light-headed so that they get sick and pass out, so the horse can go back to eating. [] Manure spreader - Horse dealers [] Mosquitoes - Radar equipped blood sucking insects that typically reach the size of small birds. [] Parasites - Small children that get in your way at endurance rides. [] Pinto - A colorful (usually green) coat pattern found on a freshly washed and sparkling clean gray horse that was left unattended in his paddock for ten minutes. [] Pony - The true size of the stallion that you bred your mare to via AI - that was advertised as 15 hands tall. [] Proud Flesh - The external reproductive organs flaunted by a stallion when a horse of any gender is present. Often displayed at rides. [] Quarter Cracks - The comments that most Arabian owners make about the people who own Quarter Horses. [] Race - What your heart does when you see the vet bill. [] Rasp - An abrasive, long, flat metal tool used to remove excess skin from the knuckles. [] Reins - Break-away device used to tie horses with. [] Ringworms - Spectators who block your view and gather around the ring sides at BC workouts. [] Sacking out - A condition caused by Sleeping Sickness (see below). The state of deep sleep a mare owner will be in at the time a mare actually goes into labor and foals. [] Saddle - An expensive leather contraption manufactured to give the rider a false sense of security. Comes in many styles, all feature built-in ejector seats. [] Saddle Sore - The way the rider's bottom feels the morning after the weekend at a ride. [] Sleeping Sickness - A disease peculiar to mare owners while waiting for their mares to foal. Caused by nights of lost sleep, symptoms include irritability, red baggy eyes and a zombie-like waking state. Can last several weeks. [] Splint - An apparatus that can be applied to various body parts of arider due to the parting of the ways of a horse and his passenger. [] Stall - What your truck does on the way to a ride, fifty kilometres from the closest town. [] Strappers - Heavy, stationary objects used at endurance rides to hold down chairs and eskies. [] Tack Room - A room where every item necessary to work with or train your horse has been put, in a place which it cannot be found in less than 30 minutes. [] Twisted Gut - The feeling deep inside that most riders get before a ride starts. [] Vet Catalog - An illustrated brochure provided to horse owners that features a wide array of products that are currently out of stock or have been dropped from a company's inventory. [] Withers - The reason you'll seldom see a man riding bareback. [] Yearling - The age at which all horses completely forget the things you taught them previously. [] Young stock - A general term used for all equines old enough to bite, kick or run you over, but not yet old enough to dump you on the ground. Everything I need to know in live I learned from my Horse! When in doubt, run far, far away. A friend gives you a horse... You build a small shelter...$750 You fence in a paddock...$450 Purchase a small truck to haul hay...$12,000 Purchase a used 2 horse trailer...$2,800 Purchase a second horse...$2,500 Build a larger shelter with storage...$2,000 More fencing...$1,200 Purchase a third horse...$1,500 Purchase a 4 horse trailer...$7,500 Purchase a larger truck...$18,000 Purchase 4 acres next door...$28,000 More fencing...$2,000 Build a small barn...$16,000 Purchase a camper for the truck...$9,000 Purchase a tractor...$12,000 Purchase a 4th & 5th horse...$4,500 Purchase 20 acres...$125,000 Build a house...$120,000 Build a barn...$26,000 More fencing & corrals...$14,000 Build a covered arena...$60,000 Purchase Dually...$34,000 Purchase a gooseneck with living quarters...$32,000 Purchase a 6th, 7th & 8th horse...$10,750 Hire a full time trainer...$40,000 Build a house for the trainer...$54,000 Buy a motor home for shows...$125,000 Hire an attorney - spouse is leaving you for trainer...$5,000 Declare bankruptcy, spouse got everything. Friend feels sorry for you... Gives you a horse..... Some of the things we call "hitting the dirt": 1. Doing a turnip imitation ----------------------------- How do horsepersons change a lightbulb? WESTERN PLEASURE RIDERS: Oh, my God, someone fix that bulb, I have to have light so that my silver and spangles all glow to their best and so that all the highlighter on Old Peanut Head makes his nose look so smooth and sparkly and oh, my diamond studs have to flash in the light, you know, so oh, someone has to fix it. Oh, maybe you without all the silver on your saddle, obviously you can't ride, you can do it. THOROUGHBRED: Who ME?? Do WHAT? I'm scared of light bulbs! I'm outta here! ARABIAN: I changed it an hour ago... C'mon you guys - catch up! QUARTER HORSE: Put all the bulbs in a pen and tell me which one you want. STANDARDBRED: Oh for Pete's Sake, give me the damn bulb and let's be done with it. SHETLAND: Give it to me. I'll kill it and we won't have to worry about it anymore. FRIESIAN: I would, but I can't see where I'm going from behind all this mane. BELGIAN: Put the Shetland on my back, maybe he can reach it then. WARMBLOOD: Is the 2nd Level Instruction Packet in English? Doesn't anyone realize that I was sold for $75K as a yearling, but only because my hocks are bad, otherwise I would be worth $100K? I am NOT changing lightbulbs. Make the TB get back here and do it. MORGAN: Me! Me! Me! Pleeease let me! I wanna do it! I'm gonna do it! I know how, really I do! Just watch! My parole officer said it's okay, really! And when we're done we can go over to the neighbor's and chase their cats! APPALOOSA: Ya'll are a bunch of losers. We don't need to change the lightbulb, I ain't scared of the dark. And someone make that damn Morgan stop jumping up and down before I double barrel him. HAFLINGER: That thing I ate was a lightbulb? Mustang: Lightbulb? Let's go on a trail ride, instead. And camp. Out in the open like REAL horses. Lipizzan: Hah, amateurs. I will change the lightbulb. Not only that, but I will do it while standing on my hind legs and balancing it on my nose, after which I will perform seven flying lead changes in a row and a capriole. Can you do that? Huh? Huh? Didn't think so. Miniature: I bet you think I can't do it just cause I'm small. You know what that is? It's sizeism! Akhal Teke: I will only change it if it's my owner's lightbulb and no one else has ever touched it. Andalusian: I will delegate the changing of the lightbulb to my personal groom after he finishes shampooing my mane and cleaning my saddle, but only on the condition that it is changed for a soft blue or green bulb, which reflects better off my coat while I exhibit my astonishing gaits. Cleveland Bay: I'm busy. Make the whipper-in and the hounds do it. Saddlebred: My ears are up already, please please get the lightbulb away from me! I'm ready to show, really, I promise I'll win! Paint: Put all the lightbulbs in a pen, tell me which one you want, and my owner will bet you twenty bucks I can get it before the quarter horse. POA: I'm not changing it. I'm the one who kicked the old one and broke it in the first place, remember? Now, excuse me, I have a grain room to break into. Grade Horse: Guys? Um, guys? I hope you don't mind, but I went ahead and changed it while you were all arguing. Sent to us by member: J M Combs *In Kansas City, Kansas, an ordinance prohibits driving a horse without holding the reins. *Colorado bans fishing from horseback, as do Washington D.C. and Utah. *Tennessee prohibits riders from lassoing fish. *In Clarendon, Arizona it is illegal to water your horse from a bucket that has a hole in it. Horse Facts *Kingdom: Animalia *Section: Deuterostomia *Phylum: Chordata *Subphylum: Vertebrate *Class: Mammalia *Subclass: Theria *Superorder: Mesaxonia *Order: Perissodactyl *Suborder: Hippomorpha *Superfamily: Equoidea *Genus: Equidae *Subgenus: Equus (true horse); Hippotigris (zebras); Dolichohippus (zebras);Asinus (African asses); Hemionus (Asina asses). A horses approximate weight can be calculated by (Heart girth x heart girth x body length) divided by 330. Heart girth is the circumference in inches measured just behind the withers. Body length is measured from point of shoulder to point of buttocks in inches. A horse's age in human years can be calculated by 3 x (horse's age - 3) + 15 *Horses don't have gall bladders. *Horses can see color. *The approximate gestation period is 337 days. *The teeth of a horse take up more space in the head than the brain. *Horses on the barrier islands drink salt water. *Human hair and fingernails are made from the same protein as horse hooves. *Horses hooves grow about 1/4 inch per a month, taking almost a year to grow from coronet to ground. *Adult male horses generally have 40 teeth while the females only have 36. *A 1,000 pound horse produces 1,500 BTU of heat per an hour (36,000 BTU/day) and exhales 2 gallons of water daily. Which is why stables need to be well ventilated, but not heated. *There were no horses in Australia until 1788. *The horse is New Jersey's state animal. *The names Phillip and Phillippa mean lover of horses. *Hippocrates means horse master. *One horsepower (cars)= 746 watts; one metric horsepower= 736 watts. *Maryland has twice as many Thoroughbreds as any other state next to Kentucky. *A furlong is from the British furrow-long, the standard length of a farmer's field. A furlong= 220 yards. One mile= 8 furlongs, as 1 furlong= 1/8 mile. *The only mode of transportation on the Greek island of Hydra are horses and ponies. *Horses are more comfy when facing the rear of the trailer they are riding in. *Manhole covers were originally designed with raised surfaces to keep horses from slipping. *Approximately 90% of all Thoroughbreds can be traced back to Eclipse, a stallion brought to England in the early 1700s. The horse got its name because it was foaled during a solar eclipse. He died in 1789. Eclipse, a liver chestnut with a blaze and one hind stocking, was by Marske, out of Spilette by the Godolphin Arabian. *Lord Lonsdale's Monkey sired 300 foals before dying in 1747. *The Arabian Horse Club was started in 1908. *As of 1994 there were over 540,000 horses registered with the Arabian HorseRegistry of America. *Registered Arabians can have no more than 17 characters in their name. *Breed standards call for a height of 14.1 to 15.1hh, and a weight of 800 to 1,000pounds. *Registered Thoroughbreds can have no more than 14 letters in their name. *The T'ang horse was developed in China during the T'ang Dynasty (618-907), by crossing many different types of horses until the type was fixed. *The Narangasett Pacer was the first breed developed in the U.S., in the Rhode Island area. The ancestry is said to trace back to either the Irish Hobby or the Scottish Galloway pony. *Most Pacers were about 15hh; sorrel or chestnut. *Highway improvement and the trotter contributed to the extinction of the Pacer. *The dams of three of Justin Morgan's foals were Narangasett Pacers, as was the dam of Gaines Denmark (1851), the progenitor of the American Saddle Horse. *Pacers were used to power the sugar mills in the 1600s in the West Indies. *The Quarter Horse was developed in part from Irish Hobbys brought to Virginia in 1666. *The AQHA was founded in 1940. *A Quarter Horse mare that had been bred to a jack gave birth to a mule colt and a horse filly in Texas in 1983. This is a unique occurrence. * The late pro wrestler Andre the Giant (1947-1993) raised Quarter Horses on his North Carolina ranch. Being 7ft 4in, 520 pounds, he couldn't ride any of them. *The Norwegian Fjord is one of Norway's national symbols. They have been bred there for 2,000 years. * The birthplace of the Lipizan breed, the Lipizaner stud at Lipizza (Lipica), was founded by Archduke Charles in 1580. It was destroyed, along with all 90 horses in 1992, during the war with former Yugoslavia. *Lipizzans are born dark and turn white as they age. A few keep their dark color. *Many of their bloodlines were lost during the war. The six extant (as of 1993) stallion lines are Siglavy (1765), Conversano (1767), Pluto (1772), Maestoso)1773),Favory (1779), and Neapolitano (1790). *A Lipizzan stallion given to the U.S. government by Austria in 1964 was used by the Old Guard's Caisson Platoon, the "White Horse Team," based at Ft. Meyer, Virginia. *The American Saddle Horse Breeders Association was formed in 1891. *The Morgan Horse was named the state animal of Vermont in 1961. *Morgans were in large part responsible for the extinction of the Narangasett Pacer, being a stronger and more versatile breed. *Shetland ponies were first imported into the U.S. in 1885. *The American Shetland Pony Club was founded in 1890, two years before Britain's Shetland Pony Stud Book Society. *Buffalo Bill Cody bred Shetlands. *The Clydesdales became the Anheuser-Busch symbol on April 7, 1933. *The first stud book of the Przewalski horse was established in 1959 in Prague, Czechoslovakia, where it is still maintained. *The Appaloosa Horse Club was formed in 1938. *The name Appaloosa comes from the Palouse River which flows through Oregon, Washington, and Idaho. From "a palouse horse," to "appalouse," the name ended up appaloosa. *No horses or ponies have been brought into Iceland in 800 years, and any Icelandic pony who leaves is not allowed back in. *The American Mustang Association was formed in 1962. *The Palomino Horse Breeders Association of America was formed in 1941. *The Pony of the Americas breed was established in 1956 from foundation sire BlackHand, who was by a Shetland pony out of an Appaloosa mare. *The American Shire Horse Breeders Association was formed in 1885. *The Standardbred Stud Book was established in 1871. *The Tennessee Walking Horse Breeders Association was formed in 1935. *The Welsh Pony Society of America was founded in 1946. Silly Laws *In New York City, it is illegal to open or close an umbrella in the presence of a horse. *In Kansas City, Kansas, an ordinance prohibits driving a horse without holding the reins. *Donkeys are not allowed to sleep in bathtubs in Brooklyn, New York. *Blowing your nose around horses is a no-no in Waterville, Maine and Leahy, Washington. *California, Prescott (Arizona), and Ellensburg (Washington) all prohibit riders from bringing horses into taverns or saloons. California law actually says you can't ride your horse into the tavern. California also bans horses from mating within 50 feet of a tavern. In Burns, Oregon you can bring your horse into the bar if you pay an admission fee for him. Lourdsburg, New Mexico prohibits mules from going into saloons, but doesn't say anything about donkeys or horses. *Colorado bans fishing from horseback, as do Washington D.C. and Utah. Tennessee prohibits riders from lassoing fish. *In Clarendon, Arizona it is illegal to water your horse from a bucket that has ahole in it. *In Milwaukee, Wisconsin if you leave your car parked for over two hours, you must tie a horse to it. In Omaha, Nebraska you can tie your horse to the hitching post every house is required to have in front of it. *Human females weighing over 200 pounds, when wearing shorts, may not legally ride a horse in Markanville, Illinois. It's women wearing kimonos who can't ride down a public street in Raton, New Mexico. *Suffolk, Virginia bans cars driven under their own power; only those pulled by one or more horses are allowed. *In Iowa, you can't house a horse in one room of an apartment, and in California you can't keep one in a rented apartment. In Minneapolis, Minnesota you can keep a mule in your apartment but not a goat. *In Emporia, Kansas one of the people in a car must walk in front of it throughthe city and warn people so they can get their horses off the street. In St. Paul, Minnesota a driver meeting a horse-drawn vehicle must get out and help the driver of th ehorse to pass. *It is illegal in Arizona to walk through hotel lobbies wearing spurs. *It is against the law in Ohio to call a doctor a horse doctor even if he is one. *Denver does not allow acrobats on the sidewalks as they may scare the horses. In Fairbanks, Alaska it is a misdemeanor to ride a horse or mule on the sidewalk. In Philip, South Dakota it is illegal to have a horse or mule on the sidewalk no matter what. *Saco, Missouri prohibits scary hats so you won't frighten horses, and Steadfield, Michigan bans riders from wearing masks and being unshaven. *In Charlotte, North Carolina you can't bathe your horse on the street and in Lexington, Missouri you can't bathe one in a watering trough. *In Alabama and Franklin, Kentucky it is illegal to trade horses-clean or dirty-after dark. *An ordinance (235) in Ada, Oklahoma reads: it shall be unlawful for any person or persons to leave, keep, or permit, any horse, mule or mules, vehicles, wagons, buggy, automobile, except if the same is provided with a grease pan. *In Leahy and Wilbur, Washington it is against the law to ride an ugly horse. *In Fountain Inn, South Carolina horses are required to wears pants at all times. In Ft. Lauderdale, Florida horses must be equipped with taillights and horns. *In Exssex Falls, New Jersey if your horse neighs (duck quacks, dog barks) between 10pm and 6am you can be arrested. *It is within the law to arrest and prosecute horses and other animals in Illinois. *A Kentucky statute and its amendment: No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within the state unless she is escorted by at least two officers or unless she is armed with a club. The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds or exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses. *In Nebraska motorists must send up warning rockets and Roman candles when approaching a horse. After the rockets, a scenic tarp must be thrown over the car to conceal it from the horse and soothe him. If that doesn't work, the machine must be taken apart and the parts hidden in the grass. *Setting fire to a mule is prohibited in Maine and in Ohio, you can't set a fire under one. You can't legally kick a mule in Taylor, Arizona although the mule can kick you. Kentucky law says that walking behind a mule without first talking to it is contributory negligence. *In Minnesota if a horse is frightened by the noise your car makes after cranking, you are responsible for any damage it does. *It is unlawful to allow a horse to ride in the back seat of your car in Hillsboro, Oregon. *In Lang, Kansas in August you can not drive a mule down Main Street unless the mule is wearing a straw hat. *If you are riding a bicycle and wish to pass a horse-drawn vehicle, you must first get permission from the driver in Osceola, Michigan. *It is against the law to let your horse eat a fire hydrant in Marshalltown, Iowa. *Virginia law says it is a no-no for any person to take any unhaltered horse, age one or more, into any place of public worship or permit one to accompany him there. Kentucky revised statutes say that you can only ride a female horse near a church when services are in progress. *A New Orleans, Louisiana law from 1898 says: it shall be a misdemeanor for any person to hold, hitch, or fasten a stallion or any noisy animal within 80 feet of any public worship or during the time Sunday school is in attendance in New Orleans. *It is against the law to use a horse, mule or cattle to take waterfowl. *Women of "bad character" are forbidden to ride horseback in the streets in Columbia, South Carolina. *Horses are required to wear hats in hot weather in Rasario, Argentina. *A British law states that an Englishman must not sell a horse to a Scotsman. *Mississippi code, chapter 28, section 1296 says: Obscenity; stallion or jack not kept in public view. Any person shall not keep a stallion or jack nearer then 100 yards to a church, or in public view in an enclosure bordering on a public highway or nearer thereto than 100 yards, nor shall any person stand such animals in open view of any public place, or negligently keep such an animal or suffer it to run at large..... Cats and Horses CAN be Friends! We're not sure where this came from, it was forwarded over the net, but great pictures... Subject: ATTN: New Virus!!!! Quarter Horses: Definitely jocks. Strutting around flexing those muscles, showing off their butts. Not real bright. But get passed on since they are responsible for all the trophies in the glass cases. Thoroughbreds: Preppies. They are athletes, never 'jocks'. Monogrammed blankets, leather halters, Nike eventer shoes, the latest custom trailer and tack. Connemaras: Gorgeous chicks with sultry eyelashes, sexy curves, devil-may-care attitudes. NOT into studying or anything to do with geometry. Great fun to be around, delightful senses of humor, and the world's best pranksters. Can usually be found in the nearest pub, entertaining the masses. Fast and easy. Appaloosas: Could only be the stoners. They like to drop acid so they can watch their spots move. Arabians: RAH! RAH! SIS BOOM BAH!GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TEAM!! (need I say more?) Shetland Ponies: Frightening, spiky hairdos, snotty attitude and any color of the rainbow. Got to be PUNKS. Some even sport tattoos. Friesians: Big, buff, and always in black, they are the biker clique. Cigs hanging out of the corner of their mouths, dangerous glint in the eyes, daring anyone to cross their path. Morgans: They're the nerdy teacher's pets, running around doing everything from yearbook to decorating the gym and ratting out the bikers, stoners and jocks. They have perpetual wedgies. Drafts (all breeds): No real clique, they're just the big guys who sit in the back of the room and fart a lot (and then laugh). Who's going to STOP them? Icelandics and Paso Finos: They're the little squirrelly geeks who flit around a dance trying to fit in and fail miserably. The kind who wear Toughskins jeans from Sears (or would that be rip-off WeathaBeetas??). Ahkle Tekl (Akle Takl? AckleTackle....!! Akhal Teke!!): Foreign exchange student(s). And no one can spell their names either. Hackney Ponies: A breed this manic would have to be a band geek. Marching along with their knees and heads held high.....even going to the bathroom. Warmbloods: The school staff and faculty. Looking down their noses with righteous indignation and disgust. Secretly wishing they were having half as much fun. Horse Classifieds GLOSSARY OF TERMS * Event Prospect: Big, fast horse * Dressage Prospect: Big, slow horse * Pleasure Prospect: Pretty color * Sporting Prospect: Short, fast horse * Barrel Prospect: Fast horse, which can turn * Endurance Prospect: Fast horse which will turn sometimes * Flashy: White sock * 15'2" hh: 14'3" hh * 16'2" hh: 15'3" hh * Big trot: Can't canter within a two-mile straightaway * Nicely Started: Longes, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet * Bold: Runaway * Good Mover: Runaway * Athletic: Runaway * Quiet: Lame in both front legs * Dead Quiet: Lame in all four legs * Good in Traffic (Bombproof): Lame all around, deaf, and blind * Pony type: Small and hairy * Arab Type: Looks startled * Thoroughbred Type: Looks terrified * Quarter Horse Type: Fat * Easy to catch: Dead * Elegant: Thin * Black: Brown and/or dirty * Well-Mannered: Hasn't stepped on, run over, bit, or kicked anyone for a week * Professionally Trained: Hasn't stepped on, run over, bit, or kicked anyone for a month * Clips, Hauls, Loads: Clippity Clippity is the sound his hooves make as he hauls butt across the parking lot when you try to load him. * Should Mature 16 hands : Currently 14 hands, dam is 14'2, sire is 14'3, every horse in his pedigree back 18 generations is under 15 hands, but this horse will defy his DNA and grow. * To Loving Home Only: Expensive * To Show Home Only: Very Expensive * To Good Home Only : Not really for sale unless you can 1) Pay twice what he is worth 2) are willing to sign a 10 page legal document allowing current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night * For Sale Due to lack of Time: Rider cannot afford to spend any more time in the hospital * Any Vet Check Welcome: Please pay for us to find out what the !@#$ is wrong with him! * Recently Vetted: Someone else found something really wrong with this horse. * Must Sell: Spouse has left home and taken kids * All Offers Considered: I am in traction for 6 months __________
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